Fallen
by WerewolfDoctor
Summary: A/U - Harry takes up Lasciel's Coin after Murphy dies, stricken by grief and convinced this is the way stop any more death. Michael has to try and convince his friend to give up the Coin and deal with consequences if he fails... Michael POV.


I think I knew the moment I heard about Karrin Murphy's death. It was gruesome, by all accounts, torn apart by … something, so much so that they could barely identify the body, but even if it had been a clean death, gentle and painless, it would have been devastating to Harry.

I tried to deny it, Harry had resisted Lasciel for three years, most mortals lasted barely a week. He was strong, perhaps the strongest man I knew, but he was not perfect.

He would be blaming himself, wondering if he could have done more, if he had only…

The most seductive thing about Lasciel is she does not simply offer power, she offers warmth, comfort, even love, false though it is, and I knew Harry, lonely and vulnerable, would be tempted. So very, very, tempted.

I knew. Perhaps it was the whisper of God which always told me which way to go, but I knew.

…

He wasn't at his apartment. The wards were destroyed and the threshold didn't exist anymore. I shivered. Mouse was inside, keening softly. The sound struck me to my core and a deep grief welled inside me. "Did he do it?" I whispered. I didn't really need to ask, but I needed that physical confirmation. Mouse woofed in response. "Can you take me to him?" Mouse padded to my side and together we began the search.

…

I attended Sergeant Murphy's funeral. I attended it, not only for myself, for I had a great respect for Karrin Murphy, but for Harry. He would not be able to encroach on the Holy Ground as long as he played host to Lasciel. After Murphy's body had been lowered to the ground I saw a glimpse of a shadowed figure at the edge of my sight. Harry. Steeling my nerve, I marched towards him, Mouse at my side.

Harry looked … like Harry, except somehow different. Harry had never been bad looking, per se, but now there was an element of indefinable, unearthly beauty about him. Lasciel the Seductress, meet mortal man.

"You are sometimes predictable, Harry," I said.

"You see," he replied, "I am still in control."

"Not for long, my friend." I took a deep breath, "Murphy would not have wanted this, Harry."

Harry's face twisted into a look of terrible rage, "Well she's not here, is she? I couldn't save her,"

I almost thought things would descend into a fight there and then, but Mouse manoeuvred himself in between Harry and me and stood, implacable. Harry stared at him with a look of indefinable loss, "I'm trying to do good, I'm trying to help people, people that I couldn't before because I was too weak," he pleaded, "but you can't see that, because you only see in black and white," Harry stared at Mouse again, who was giving a little pleading whine, obviously begging Harry to come back in the same way I was. Harry shook his head, "Look after them for me, Mouse," he said, and then vanished. Lasciel, master of illusions. Perhaps I had been talking to nothing but a creation of my own mind.

I stared at Mouse. Harry had obviously expected my disapproval, but why had Mouse's rejection come as a shock, surely he couldn't expect a Foo Dog to stand by a Denarian?

Except that Harry didn't really consider himself a Denarian and he didn't know much about Mouse's status as a Foo Dog, only that Mouse was an extremely intelligent, almost supernatural dog that was incredibly loyal to him. And Harry loved Mouse in return.

Mouse was looking as only a big dog can at my feet, "Don't worry," I told him, "we'll get him to give it up, I promise, we'll get him back."

I had once promised Harry that if he ever took up the coin I would do my duty as a Knight. I prayed to God Almighty I wouldn't have to fulfil that promise.

…

Molly stayed with us. Of course, she wondered where Harry had gone, but I never told her. I feared she would start rebelling again, but it seemed Harry had taught her more than I realised, because she had gained a maturity I had never noticed. The only the problem was she poured all her energy in trying to find Harry. I could only hope she didn't succeed. Or that Harry didn't decide he wanted his apprentice back.

…

It was a month before I saw Harry again. He appeared out of nowhere, eyes glittering with triumph, "Do you know what I have done?" he said, "I have just ended the war. There are no more Red Court Vampires." He grinned.

Harry, even at his angriest, had never had such a terrifying grin.

"You didn't used to revel in death so much, Harry."

He scowled, "Not even so much as a congratulations. They're _vampires_ Michael. You wouldn't have cared before, now I'm – but that brings me onto the reason I'm here, apart from gloating of course."

I gave him a disapproving look and he scowled, "Ok, give me one reason, one good reason why this is a bad thing. I have just stopped a war, a war which caused death and misery, never mind wiping out the Red Court which has caused _thousands of years_ of death and misery and you _dare_ stand there and say it's a bad thing, simply because I didn't use your approved methods of doing it?"

I held up a placating hand. The scary thing was, he was right. Although I knew it was only a matter of time until Lasciel turned Harry into something evil, at the moment he was Harry, even if he was twisted and angry and unstable. He was Harry and he was trying to do good and he had a power that he never had before.

"You wanted to ask me something," I reminded him. He nodded curtly.

"I was working with Susan," and he almost sounded like himself, "and I found out we have a daughter," his voice was shaky, "she didn't tell me. Susan is – Susan – Susan is dead now. The curse I used to kill the Reds killed _all_ the Reds." He glanced at me. "She knew, she was helping me. But now I have little Maggie and – well – I wouldn't have been a good father _before._ I – You–"

"You want me to look after your daughter," He nodded. "You would be a brilliant father, if only you gave up the coin. Surely you cannot give up your daughter."

He shook his head, "I have so much left to do. Will you, please, Michael?"

I couldn't say no.

Harry left and walked to a car, a sleek, black stylish thing I hadn't noticed before. I suddenly missed the battered old thing he used to drive with a ferocity I didn't expect. He returned with a sleeping child cradled in his arms and passed her to me. "One more thing," Harry said, "ask Mouse, from me, to watch over her."

I nodded, "Perhaps this … conclusion with Susan will let you realise that you can never have control over life and death, no matter how much power you have."

I couldn't breath. My vision went back. I heard a voice like bells, great and terrible in my head, "THEN. I. WILL. FIND. A. WAY." I came back to myself, breathing heavily. Harry was gone. Maggie was still sleeping peacefully in my arms.

…

The next day Maggie's things arrived at my house.

…

The next few months were the most surreal of my life. Harry would show up at irregular intervals to ask after Maggie or Molly or Mouse, or he would tell me what 'good works' he had been doing. Often he had stood by me in a fight and saved my life many times, though never when there was anybody else to witness it.

He was charming and brilliant and I had to remind myself that, apart from my own desire to see my friend, Lasciel was called 'The Seducer' for a reason. I had to stop myself from nodding along when he told me about all the good things he had done.

I wondered why, of all his friends, he had chosen me to keep in touch with. Perhaps he too remembered the promise I had made, that he had agreed to. Perhaps he was waiting for me to fulfil my promise.

…

The next time I saw Harry he still held that alien ethereal beauty, but his eyes were sunken in. "What's wrong?" I asked as we exchanged food and drink. This had become entirely too routine.

"I can't sleep," he said, "she talks to me when I sleep. I have to be careful." I didn't say anything. He knew my answer to that.

"I can't," he said in response. "I can't," and he sounded so pained it ripped me apart.

"You can," I said gently.

He shook his head sadly, "You don't understand."

"Then help me."

"You think it would be easy. You think it would be over once I gave up the coin. There is no giving up Lasciel."

"Nothing is easy. But you're not alone. You have friends, friends who miss you, Harry. I miss you. Come back."

He looked at me, worried, "You haven't told them, have you? You can't tell them."

"I thought you were proud."

He nodded, "But they would hate me. They might understand, but still, they would hate me. Like you do."

"I don't hate you."

"Oh, no. You _forgive_ me," the word was said with so much bitterness and scorn it shook me. Harry had never personally ever been able to commit himself to any religion, but he had never seemed to hate it the way he did now.

…

"I killed him." Harry was shaking, his eyes darting about. I laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Did you need to?"

"Yes," he said quickly, "yes. He was my enemy."

"Was he the people's enemy? Did he deserve to die?"

"Yes. He made things worse. Slowed things. Was a paranoid, judgemental, fool. He killed – he killed."

"She's taking over, Harry."

"I know," He closed his eyes.

I was getting through to him. It would be over soon. Why did that scare me so much?

…

"Tell me," Harry commanded, "tell me everything about her."

"Maggie?"

"Yes."

I told him everything. How I had persuaded Charity to take in this strange child. Her favourite stories, songs and toys. How she was bonding with Mouse. Her strange ticks and idiosyncrasies. How she really deserved to know her father. He predictably frowned at that last one, then he looked at me sadly, "She already has one," he said

"I am no replacement for the real thing," I said.

"I am a broken man, trying to make the world a better place. You are a good man, practiced at giving love and care. Who do you think makes the better father?" he looked at me piercingly, not in the eyes, never in the eyes, but still the look pinned me. "Swear to me," he growled, "on all you hold holy, that you will look after her." I so swore.

…

"The problem is," Harry told me, head bowed, almost curled into himself as we sat on the wall together, "I cannot feel regret. I have done so much good. Obliterated evils I never would have been able to touch in my normal state. To give up the coin, you need to feel regret."

"To give up the coin you must merely wish to give up the coin."

Harry shook his head, "Not as easy as that. The coin is kind of burned in. You've got to be really fucking motivated. Quintus gave up the coin that one time because it was a choice between life or death. That's a really big motivator. True regret is another big motivator, but, as I said, I can't feel that."

"So I've got to threaten your life."

He turned to me, tears in his eyes, "But its loss would drive me insane. Like a drug addict, but so, so much worse. And then, after everything, you would have to deal with Mad Harry Dresden, and who knows how bad that could get."

"But you would recover."

He shook his head, tears spilling from his eyes, "I'm a coward, I'm weak. _I don't want to let her go_." He started to shake, "I can't, I can't, I can't."

I put my arm around him, "Harry. You are not weak. You resisted her for three years. _Three years_. Most people don't last a day. She took you when you were at your lowest, when your soul was torn apart from loss and even then you turned a Fallen Angel's purpose to good. Harry. What would you have me do?"

He turned to me. I barely recognised his eyes. I knew.

I held him as he died.


End file.
